Tally and Me
A. Blinken....For various reasons no one will tell me but I can well guess, Tally, (not her real name) the pregnant cousin, is going to move in with Granny Wise for a while. I was elected to take her and her many accessories up to Granny’s cabin. I put my new digital recorder on the dash when I picked her up, partly to have a record if something should be misunderstood on the trip up, and partly because the recorder has become a new set of ears for me. I can record something, listen later, and hear all kinds of things I missed while everything was happening. Anyway, I get to Tally’s, put a ton of crap in the truck after cautioning that the cabin is small and most of the crap would have to go in the barn where there are deer mice and rats. She was wearing tall back boots with slick soles that kept skidding in the snow, tight jeans that stopped short of showing actual genitalia though painful zip waxing must be necessary, a short pink T-shirt that stopped just under her boobs and a rabbit skin jacket that stopped above the bottom of the shirt. It is an ensemble that will easily accommodate her soon round belly; by then her belly button will be an outie, and the navel ring will make it look like a stoat’s snout. The jacket wasn’t zipped: I didn’t have to ask if she was cold. We got in my truck, I started it and turned on the recorder:
T What’s that, are you taping me, like a cop?
A.B. Yep, just like a cop.
T I bet you’re doing that because you’re afraid I’ll say something to your old lady later and you want to have evidence, don’t you. O.K., record this: OH, A.B., TOUCH ME HERE, OH, PLEASE, LET ME SHOW YOU MY TITS.
A.B. NO! No, no, that’s not why I’m doing it, Tally.
T You know, just because I did Tomy (NHRN) doesn’t mean I’m loose.
A.B. No, it means you’re stupid. Besides, we’re cousins, probably more than once.
T Big deal. I heard you went to juvey for taking Sarah to the barn. She’s a cousin. She’s an alcoholic now, everyone says it’s your fault.
A.B. Nobody says that, and she’s not an alcoholic, she just tends bar. I was stupid, all right? I just turned 15.
T Well, I’m 16, I found someone better to go to the barn with, a lot better.
A.B. (After a moment of silence,) I’m sorry, really. How do you feel about the baby, anyway?
T I don’t notice it much right now, just a little barfOmatic in the morning. Why did you really turn that thing on?
A.B. Well, I guess because it’s helped me understand things a new way. I listen to it at the end of the day, and I hear things I didn’t hear when I could be distracted by what I saw.
T OMG what a TRD you are! I saw what you put about me in your stupid blog. Why don’t you just make it a blog and let people post, are you afraid they’ll trash you? If you’re too stupid I could have my little brother do it for you, he’s 10.
A.B. I’m satisfied with my site like it is.
T I know, there’s a movie right now on VidDay of a girl ripping another girl’s shirt and bra off in P.E. Why don’t you post a link to that, so people would at least accidentally discover your boring site?
A.B. I got permission from your mother before telling your story on my site.
T (Snort, gag) You what before you what? I don’t ask my mother for permission for anything, and neither should you, you should have asked me, and you didn’t tell my story, you said something about a slut cousin and a AIDS carrying tweeker. Tomy almost kicked your ass when he heard about it.
A.B. He did? Where was I, how’d I miss that?
T Well, it can still happen. I can still have him kick your ass.
A.B. Look, I don’t want that dirtbag up at Granny’s, understand?
T I’m not seeing him anymore, all right?
A.B. I’m glad, but not surprised. Is he going to pay child support?
T How, he’s in jail for awhile for moving some gofast.
A.B. That’s fantastic, for how long?
T I don’t know, his old lady won’t tell me, but it isn’t his first time.
A.B. Well, anyway, I don’t think you should have any friends up while you’re at Granny’s.
T No shit? Isn’t that the whole point of going to Granny’s, isn’t that why they sent you up when you were a kid? There’s like, no way to get in trouble up in her shack.
A.B. Yeah, I guess that’s why they sent me up. You better listen to Granny, she knows what she’s talking about.
T Talking to you is like listening to a granny, and you don’t know what you’re talking about. Doesn’t this radio work?
A.B. Yeah, but the tuner’s busted and it only gets NPR. Pull your weight at Granny’s, help her out around the house, do things for her, she’s old.
T Duh! That’s what they’re paying me for.
A.B. What?
T Yeah, I’m getting forty bucks a day and room and board to help her out. She’s helping me get my GED so I don’t have to go back to those snobs at school.
A.B. WHAT? You’re getting paid to move up there, to live with Granny Wise?
T Yeah, she’s like a million years old and nobody does anything for her, so I’m getting paid to go up and help out, but also Mom said, to keep me out of trouble, although I’m already pregnant, so, like, what worse could happen?
A.B. I never got paid, and I had to work my ass off for her to stay out of foster care with strangers.
T Well, like I said, I found somebody with body hair to play with. Geez, how much farther, I don’t think this truck will make it. Is this piece of crap the best truck you can afford?
A.B. Haven’t you ever been here before?
T Sure, summertime for awhile whenever Mom was going through a divorce. Granny and I caught a big fish in the creek one year. But not since I was a kid.
A.B. It’s just a little farther. My cell number is up on the wall by the kitchen clock in real big letters; call me if there is any problem.
T I’m not going to call you, no matter what happens. Don’t get your boxers in a bunch, I’ll be able to handle everything just fine.
A.B. Well, here’s the cabin. Can I use our discussion on my website?
T What do I care, nobody goes there, you’d have to put it under a rock to keep it more secret. Just don’t tell anymore lies about me.
A.B. What lies did I tell about you?
T You’ll see. (SLAM)
