Tally Talking

Easter Sunday

It is Easter Sunday, and A.B. is coming up to get us for a celebration in town, so I’ll write this and save it to a jump drive and send it down for him to put on the internet. Granny says I should keep putting stuff on the internet, because I have things to tell people, and I need to get myself out there.

Living with Granny has made everything seem different. All my life I only thought of getting older. Living with Granny and hearing stories from all the different times of her life, I get it that life is a lot longer than I thought.

I kind of thought I would get to be 21 and just stay that way. I used to see old women with wrinkles by their eyes and their tits sagging until they would hold a pencil, and I thought, "I’ll never be like that, I just won’t let it happen. I’ll moisturize."

But, the other day I noticed my breasts are getting bigger, there are stretch marks, and the bottoms are bulging to touch my ribs, I could almost hold a pencil.

Then, I look at Granny, how old and wrinkly she is, how stretch marks would be kind of an improvement, but when I look at the old pictures of her and see she’s a beautiful young girl, with a clear complexion and great tits, I feel like time is rushing by. It all just makes me feel so weird.

Granny told me that in the old days, a girl starting her family at 16 wasn’t so unusual. I’ll actually be 17 when I have my baby, anyway. Seventeen isn’t so young.

In the old pictures, there is a black and white picture of Granny standing by Aaron Wise, holding a little baby. She is eighteen. The baby is sleeping, Granny is smiling, leaning a little into Aaron Wise. She is tall and straight, but he is taller. His face is square, his nose kind of big, but his shoulders are wide and his arms bulgy under a white shirt; he’s tough, a real hump monkey. They look so happy, their baby looks so sweet.

I would like to have a guy like that, but there aren’t any guys like that here. There are only kids I’ve mostly known all my life. I’ve seen them since they were little booger eaters, they’re like brothers to me. The ones that are strong and cool don’t even notice me. The guys that notice me are all losers.

It would be easiest to say I’m a loser, too, and get a loser daddy for my little loser baby. I kind of get it that I’m not going to be hot forever. My grandma on my Dad’s side is a big woman with a big face and big thick nose and round shoulders and big tits no one wants to see. Looking at Granny in the old photos makes me get it that someday I’ll look like Gramma Herman. Even though my tits are getting stretch marks, and my tummy is pooching and my butt seems to be getting bigger, I’m still hot. Maybe I should get a guy now, before the hairs on my lip get dark and my butt gets like two big, prize hams. Gramma Herman hams.

When my baby is born and is on her feet, I’m going to leave the canyon. Granny had to leave home and travel across the ocean and across the United States to find her man. I guess I’ll go to Chicago or maybe New York. Aaron Wise came from New York. I’ll get a job taking care of old people, and I’ll take my baby everywhere. We’ll get an apartment in a nice building and we’ll never be lonely. I’ll look for a guy with big shoulders. I’ll wait for a guy that will love my baby, and love me, even when I get big and ugly. Maybe if a guy with square shoulders loves me, I won’t get ugly. Maybe, if I moisturize.